Somethin' about nothin'

I’ve talked myself up, adrenaline is kicking, and I’m ready to show no mercy. I’m going to cook!

Okay…so the last several times have not gone well for me…but I’m feelin’ it this time. I’m in the moment. I CAN DO THIS!!!

Pre-assembled salad from the drug store – check

One boneless, skinless chicken breast – check

Seasoning…hold on…checking the cupboard…we have salt – check, pepper – check, thyme? – check, ground cumin? – check, wasabi fumi furikake (what is this stuff?) – uncheck,  juniper berries (seems wrong) – uncheck, red chili pepper (now that’ll add some kick) – check, cayenne pepper – check

Now to start cooking…do I use oil…hmmm…not sure. Sounds greasy. I’ll skip it.

What temp do I cook it at? Google!  That’ll help…one of the top Google hits comes back with an answer from About.com:

Many experts recommend that chicken breast meat must be cooked to an internal temperature of 170 degrees F, but others say 160 degrees F is fine. You will have moister chicken if you cook to 160 degrees F. According to Dr. O. Peter Snyder, the chicken has to reach a temperature of 160 degrees F for 5.2 seconds to kill pathogens. Now the USDA is recommending that, because of bird flu fears, chicken should be cooked to a temperature of 165 degrees F. Remember that the meat will continue to cook after it's removed from the heat; the internal temperature will rise about 5-10 degrees in the first few minutes it's off the heat.

WTF does that mean?? Is it telling me to probe the chicken before I even know what temp to start this bad boy at? Do I turn the dial to Medium, High, or Low…or do I move to the oven. If I move to the oven, what temp do I set it to. Does this seem circular to anyone else?

(Sigh)

No…I CAN DO THIS! I’m going to take the bull by the horn and be decisive. I’ll probably forget I’m cooking if it goes in the oven, so the stove top it is, and I’m setting it to medium (it’s in the middle).

There. It’s on.

I wonder if I need a lid.

Dang…this is SOOOO complicated. How do people just know how to do this?

Wait…I forgot to season!  Here we go!  I’m working through my checklist and each seasoning smells great. Not so sure about the smell that’s building though. Hmmm…is it normal for the aroma to burn my eyes? I need to open a window. It’s getting pretty strong in here.

MY EYES CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! This chicken has got to go! Crap…now how do I get rid of hot chicken? Is it wrong to dump it down the trash shoot straight from the pan? There’s got to be something around here…searching…still searching…found something…an old jar. That’ll do it!  I’ll put the chicken in a jar, then the jar in a plastic bag, tie the bag to prevent too much leaking, and toss it down the shoot. No need to make the neighbors eyes burn too.

Why is the dog watching me like I’m crazy? At least I didn’t make her try it this time.

I’m getting take-out.